How to pick a good one? First Date Success

Well…well…well, here you are again. Boy meets girl, exchange of information, the first date is fastly approaching. Before you even think about going to H&M to find a piece to your new outfit there are a couple of questions to ask him/her to make sure you won’t be wasting your time.

I’m pretty sure you will tell me that you’ve asked these questions but the datee still disappointed you that might be due to the fact you lowered those trusty standards that I told you to set. It happens to everyone, don’t worry there are plenty of people in this world that you’ll meet that will think you’re too awesome to get away. Trust me, or better yet trust you. Now, I don’t believe that there are certain places that you have to meet someone in order to know if it’ll work. Why? I’m sure we’ve heard that you need to meet someone in church, mosque, grocery store, gym, through a friend blah, blah, blah, blah. By all means try those places but those places don’t discriminate against creeps. The truth is creeps are everywhere male and female, old and young, saved and sinning. So I’ve drawn up 5 questions to ask him/her to see exactly what their intentions are before you buy those new shoes or get that crispy hairline.

1. Where do you see yourself in five years? Sounds corny? That means you’re going nowhere in life as well. Just joking (half joking). If you’re with someone that has no idea where they want to be in the future, how will you know if they’re dating with a purpose or just trying to get some or get a date. These are the type of questions that will give you answers to lead to a serious relationship. I once asked a guy “Where do you see yourself in five years?”. He said “Hopefully working where I am, maybe married once I find somebody that can handle me” (Pause) no more info needed, you’ve been kicked off the Querida show.

2. What are you looking for serious relationship? Casual dating? Sex? Sometimes you’ll hear the truth other times you’ll hear “I take things day by day and whatever happens happens”. Run brotha/sista run. True, there are people that may be happily married that said this or accepted this but that’s not you and do you really want to take a chance? Some of us know how it feels to be in “limbo”. That part of a relationship where you’re playing house and it’s feels like a relationship until she/he tells you she/he doesn’t know if they want to be in a relationship. People that are ready to be in a happily committed relationship are usually ready to be in a happily committed relationship. There’s no bullsh*t when someone wants you as there’s.

3. What are your family values? The way that a person was raised says a lot about who they are today. Look at your own life, the journey that you’re on was put together long before you had an opinion. For some, a dysfunctional family is either making them or breaking them and it’s up to you to get the information and decide if you want to deal with it or not. But the key is to get the information.

4. Religion. It’s important to those that make it of importance. If you put whomever you pray to at the top of your list, then this should be one of your first questions. Too many times do I hear stories of deeply religious people dating those that don’t share the same beliefs. This goes back to standards, some are more spiritual than religious. And if you can’t deal with that then don’t. Take people for who they are not for you you want them to be.

5. What do you do for fun? Ladies and gentleman, if you are a person that likes to go out and have a good time. Don’t settle for a partner that does not, unless you have a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality. Chill time is always a good time, but the more you have in common the more fun you find together.

The best questions are direct, always asked open-ended questions that will lead to conversation. Use the answers and make your best judgement, it’s time to be wise about the people that you allow in your life. If you find that all of your dating experiences have been the same it’s time to restructure your interview process. You know people that have been together that are like night and day but that’s not you. Never compare your relationship to others. They aren’t in your emotional state nor do they have the same background. Just have your best interest at heart and keep those standards high and in full view because you’re dating with a purpose now.

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